We want to target couples planning to marry, those married and other wanting to develop better relationships with everyond.
It is said that every life has a story and every story has a lesson. “Forever Just Married” is the story of a young man and women who fell madly in love the first time they met and parlayed the initial fireworks into an amazing 50+ year relationship – overcoming betrayal, heartbreak and deception. The result is a unique coupling of two strong willed, independent people who grew both individually and together because of one important decision they made along the way: “We will give in but we will never give up”. Both agree they have been divorced and remarried many times – but always to the same person.
The story traces the amazing journey of Marilyn and Kent Pelz, from their initial blind date in 1961 in Mission Hills, Kansas, to their 30-year stint in one house overlooking the Pacific Ocean in Malibu, California, to their current lives as minister and spiritual counselors in San Jose. In this book, Kent and Marilyn reveal the major challenges they faced, how they overcame these challenges, and the lessons they learned about how to create a workable and sustainable relationship with each other and others.
Getting married is among the top goals of all Americans. Yet 50% fail at it, sometimes more than once. While the authors are not against divorce per se, they believe many can be avoided, and they aspire to be a living demonstration of what works. Through personal stories, humor and heartbreak, the authors share the universal principles present in their relationship.
This book is the result of people asking them over and over again: “what are your secrets to a successful marriage?” They have been leading “Intimate Relationship” workshops for several years and their source material has been the writings of other authors / relationship experts and their own personal experiences.
They are quick to say that they have had many challenging moments like everyone else. They have been divorced and re-married thousands of times, virtually every day. Every disagreement, argument, harsh word is a divorce, and every apology, forgiveness, changed attitude is a re-marriage. Some marriages fail because they forget the “re-married” part. Their marriage has lasted because they are 100% committed to resolving every disagreement (preferably before retiring for the evening). And, yes, they still argue and make-up constantly.
They recognize that inside each of them is at least two people – one who wants to be right at any cost and the other who values self mastery, equanimity, higher consciousness and awareness. They honor both, thus giving them a way to accept their differences without making them deal- breakers. Tony Robbins said “nothing tastes as good as good health feels”. They would modify that to say: “no self indulgent pleasure satisfies like self mastery”.
Forever Just Married is a chronological overview of the authors’ married life from 1961 to today. They highlight a particular struggle or unconscious behavior that played out over their lifetimes and how they overcame it and the lessons they learned. They offer suggested exercises that the reader and his/her partner can utilize to fully benefit from the authors’ life experiences.
In a world that places a high value on individual freedom, the story of Kent and Marilyn’s marriage illustrates that it is possible for two people to move from the perspective of “it’s all about me” to “it’s all about we”, and at the same time, feel totally fulfilled and satisfied as individuals.
As first, moving from “me” to “we” feels like we are putting ourselves back under the subjugation of our parents and nobody wants to go back to that situation. But it’s not. We are putting ourselves under a higher authority that loves and supports us unconditionally -- and what could be better than that?
Like most everyone else in the second half of the 20th century, the authors entered into marriage without a plan. “If you were in love, marriage was the thing to do.” Society definitely condoned it; maybe even expected and demanded it. The fact that divorce was becoming a national epidemic didn’t faze them for a minute. There was no official “marriage” operating manual. Getting married just seemed like the right thing to do.
It turned out, marriage is a lot of work; it doesn’t just automatically work out for the best. They say if couples knew how much work and expense kids were, they’d never have them, and the same can probably be said about marriage….except it’s a lot harder to change your mind about being a parent. Ultimately, the authors’ had to embrace and manage their own dysfunction if they want successful relationships of any kind in their lives.
Fundamental to the authors’ advice on successful relationships is this: There is a life force creating, animating and sustaining everything. On the macrocosm it creates galaxies and stars and multi-universes; in the microcosm it breathes us, grows our finger nails and hair, and heals our wounds. One has a choice to ignore this life force or attempt to align with it — either way there are consequences. The ground rules for the game of life have already been set for us; like gravity for instance. We can ignore it or comply with it — both ways have consequence. Most people would not intentionally disobey the law or gravity. But there are other, more subtle laws that many people miss. For instance, that the use of force, violence or aggression can never create peace, balance and equanimity — between nations as well as two people.
They also believe that life goes much more amicably when they pay attention to these more subtle laws. There is no need for any intermediaries, dogmas or spiritual practices. You climb your mountain; others climb theirs. There is only one operating principle in life, and it’s called Love. Love is the inspiration that constantly flows through all life forms, urging all of us to allow it to reveal itself through our lives. Love is the verb that sets all things in motion. When we let this Love express through us, we experience bliss. Love is the glue that holds the Universe in place. In studying and contemplating the Ultimate Reality, we gain a deep knowing of that which created us, sustains us and inspires us to be our highest selves. Ultimate Reality is both scientific and spiritual, since both are paths that assist in our journey from ignorance to Truth.